Allen Kendall

Over time, taking the women we love and share our lives with for granted is very common. For most of us, it is not a sign of love lost or a lack of interest. It is simply one of the myriad potential outcomes of our busy lives, consuming work issues, kids’ homework and sports, and other pressing commitments. Others may have neglected their relationship out of boredom or apathy, and it seems destroyed. Regardless of how we get to this point, we can not only turn it around but also heal the damage we have done if we are willing to work at it.
One of the ways we harm this most valuable relationship is when we lessen its priority while focusing on our relationships with our children. It is natural for us to fall in love all over again when a new baby arrives, imagining who they will become, what they will do, and our part in making it happen, especially as they grow and become little people. But a problem arises when we forget about our first love – our wife. Often, our focus will shift so gradually to our children that by the time we realize it, we have neglected our wives for so long that the damage to the relationship is severe.
It is not uncommon for our wives to do the same thing, but each of us is only the expert on ourselves and, equally, only responsible for ourselves.
Instead of focusing on what your wife is or isn’t doing, focus on being the best version of yourself.
After a long day at work, we are often exhausted and have given the best of ourselves to others, leaving little left for our family. However, somehow, we always find some of the good stuff for our kids while having almost nothing left for our wives. And what we do have for her is often nothing more than our impatience, frustration, and the rest of the dregs. This is selfish by any measure. How can we expect a strong family, a good marriage, and well-behaved kids if we neglect the most important relationship – with our wives?
It may seem natural to prioritize our children over our spouses, but this can and almost always harms our relationships with our wives and children. It’s easy for this to happen without even realizing it; we might greet our kids with a kiss after a long day but forget to show the same affection to their mother. Instead, as soon as you come home from anywhere, seek out your wife first, hug and kiss her, look her in the eyes, and tell her how much you love her. Making sure the kids see their Dad in these moments with their Mom. This establishes her as the most important person in your life and creates a sense of security and comfort for her, but it also teaches your sons how to treat a woman and shows your daughters what they should expect from the man they love. Even if you have gone through a divorce and remarried, it is just as crucial, maybe more so, to prioritize her in front of everyone – including stepchildren and other people in your life. Set an example for your children by showing them that you choose your wife, their mother, above all others.
Each day, find ways to choose your wife first, before your kids or anyone else. There are so many times in a day we have to meet the needs of our children because they depend on us. But our wives are adults. Capable of taking care of themselves. They can do everything they need, just as you can. But you committed to your bride when you married her and chose her before all who witnessed that day and to the exclusion of anyone else, that she would be first. You committed your life to her. Keep your promise, commitment, and covenant, and watch her flourish. Watch your kids thrive as well. Give your family the stability of knowing there is a structure and hierarchy and that their Mom is at the top. Give your wife the best of who you are – not what is left when you have poured it out to everyone else. When you choose her and put her first, you are giving her your love and respect, and you might GET LUCKY and watch her choose you all over again.